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“At the beginning of my life, I had to choose between honest arrogance and hypocritical humility. I chose honest arrogance and did not see an opportunity to change "

                                         -Frank Lloyd Wright     

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  "Injury  narcissistic ”(or narcissistic scar) is the term used by Sigmund Freud in the 1920s. Means the narcissist has a poor feeling  self-esteem, and this makes him very vulnerable to "getting hurt"  caused by criticism or failure.  While they may not show it, criticism can haunt them and make them feel humiliated, degraded  and empty. They can also, for "wounds",  react  with contempt, rage or a defiant counterattack.

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In line with this concept  pointing out mistakes to the narcissist, or explaining that what he thinks / says is not true or looks different,  it may be like pulling out a grenade plug. The pomegranate that you must see every day of your life, because the slightest moment of inattention on your part can deeply hurt the narcissist and outburst - and that  very  unpleasant sight.   Narcissistic wound and narcissistic rage are another, almost interchangeable, terms. The term "narcissistic rage" was coined by Heinz Kohut in 1972.  

Realize that narcissism is an identity, just like religion or politics. When you argue about it, people don't fit in or change their mind - they just hate you. And narcissists are some of the most vengeful people you will ever meet.  You may reply, "But I'm right about them!" You can, but that only makes things worse. Break their narcissistic bubble, and it's expensive for that  you will pay.

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Narcissus is our personality  times  this  someone with a ubiquitous pattern of size (sometimes only in fantasy). Someone who  need  admiration from others  and is characterized by a lack of empathy.  if  someone you know exhibits five of the following characteristics with a large one  the probability is a narcissist  :

1. He has great self-esteem and exaggerates his own achievements and talents.

2. She dreams  with unlimited power, success, brilliance, beauty or perfect love.

3. He believes he is unique  and can only be understood by other persons or institutions of a special or high status, or should  work with them.

4. It requires undue admiration.

5. He unreasonably expects special, favorable treatment or the observance of his wishes and needs.

6. Uses  others to achieve personal goals.

7. He lacks empathy for the feelings and needs of others.

8. He is jealous of others or thinks they are envious of him.

9. He has an arrogant demeanor  or rude attitudes.

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If the above points match your partner or someone close to you, do a test that will answer the question of whether the person you are in a close relationship with has features  destructive narcissist.

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A relationship with a narcissist triggers us  various  schematics, that's why you should follow them  take a look. If we know what a narcissist does to our psyche, it is easier for us to defend ourselves against it.  

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The next list includes patterns typical of a narcissist. While reading it, you might notice how he tries to fight them or tries to overcompensate for them. In fact, it does not allow the emotions associated with these schemas to express itself, because it does not want to succumb to these emotions.  

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Are the above diagrams familiar to you?

Next time you come  she had contact with a narcissist and as a result, it will lead to an unpleasant situation for you, think about what you feel, what you think. Which of the above patterns - or maybe several - becomes active for you.   Focus on what you feel and what signals are coming from your body. Start practicing with important awareness.  

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5 basic principles of mindfulness?

1. Breathe consciously.

2. Focus your attention on one thing; at the moment.

3. Turn off the autopilot and do anything else than usual.

4. Notice thoughts and emotions.

5. Just be.

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This will allow you to see which pattern your narcissist is triggering for you. Additionally, the practice of mindfulness will allow you  not to give  manipulate your own patterns and harmful thoughts  like "I'm good for nothing", "Nobody will ever love me" .... Show it  self compassion because that's how a narcissist treats others is  by force,  crossing borders and not  dabaniem  for others, then you are his victim. WITH  sometimes you'll be able to  avoid bumping into  trapped in your own patterns and old habits, you'll see why  your  the narcissist behaves as he does, you will be able to distance yourself from hurting you  thoughts, often instilled in  childhood.  

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If you want to save yours  relationship, relationship with narcissist or  before you go try everything then calmly  say you did  anything to save this one  relationship, you can try to stand  himself in the role of a narcissist. To this  techniques  you have to deal first  with their own patterns and emotions, otherwise they will take over you. The method is a kind of re-parenting of narcissists and emphasizes nurturing a lonely and deprived child. On  example  when the narcissist starts to get rough with you  try it  in your imagination, put a mask of a lonely and unloved child on the face of an adult narcissist standing in front of you. Once you've created this image,  try to feel too  experiences of this child: Pain, a sense of imperfection and shame, experience of loneliness and emotional emptiness,        

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    Of course, the best thing you can do for yourself is get out of your toxic relationship with a narcissist . Slam all the doors behind you, block him / her from making phone calls, e-mails ... - he may even change his place of residence.  Otherwise the narcissist will be up to you  he would come back and go, leaving you in pain and loneliness.

    If you walk away it   at the beginning  maybe  to be  very hard.  You will miss, dream to be close to him again ... but if you focus on yourself, your dreams, plans for  future, you will surround  friends, you will slowly free yourself from this captivity of narcissistic charm, and after some time  you won't be able to understand why you let yourself be treated so badly by someone who doesn't care about you  he deserved.  

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If for some reason you cannot or do not want to  break up contacts with  a narcissist, because that's an example  your  give birth or partner  learn how to deal with it to protect yourself.  Deprived of empathy, narcissists do not see how their actions affect others, and therefore feel entitled to abuse other people. Therefore, it is especially important to establish solid boundaries with them. Here are seven effective approaches:

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1. Don't justify, explain, or defend yourself.

Narcissists use control or intimidation.  Thanks to this, others begin to wonder and guess what they did wrong. Doing so gives them a sense of power and control over the situation and you.

Part of setting boundaries is the right to decide what you share with others, what content you make public. The less personal information you share with the narcissist, the less  maybe  use them  against you. The more you tell him about yourself, the more ammunition  you put it in the rifle  aimed at you. And it's only a matter of time before the narcissist catches the safety and you are on fire  attack  and  criticism.  

You don't need to justify your thoughts, feelings, or actions in front of the pesky narcissist.

• If the narcissist criticizes you, you can say something like, " I hear your opinion and I will consider it ."

• If they question your actions, say, " I'm sure of my choice ."

• If he requests  For clarification, say: " It's personal" or "We just have to  to agree that we disagree . "

2. Go out when you are not feeling well  or if the situation is not healthy.  

    You don't need anyone's consent to get out of a destructive interaction. It is you, not others, who decide what is good for you.

    You can look at your watch and say, " But it's late,  I'm late . " Then leave. Late for what? It does not matter. Any time you remain in the presence of controlling or abusive behavior causes you to be late in regaining your sense of self  values and  healthy ME .

    Your cell phone can be a helpful prop. No one can know for sure if you picked up the phone. Say, " Sorry, I have to pick up the phone ." Then leave. or decide in advance how many minutes you want to give the narcissist, then set an alarm on your phone or watch to go off at a specific time. Finish when the alarm sounds.

If you are faced with unhealthy treatment directly, you can always say  something like:

• " Sorry, but we'll talk another time when you're ready for a constructive conversation ." Or

• It's not healthy. I will not be involved in this kind of dialogue . "

3. Decide what you will and will not tolerate.  

A key part of setting healthy boundaries is knowing when to say no and sticking to it consistently  this.

    Ask yourself what you want others to do  allow and what to do  you will not agree. For example, you may not mind being good-natured banter, but not sarcasm. You can allow emotional expression  opinions, but not name-calling or intimidation.

    One way to draw a line is to say, " If you continue to be me that way  call me, I will end our conversation until you want to treat me with respect . " You don't need to explain further. If the narcissist's aggressive behavior persists, go out or hang up. Don't engage in further interactions, no matter what he is doing  or says.

When you set these boundaries, the narcissist  can go through his repertoire:

• quarrels;

• blaming you;

• minimizing your feelings;

• act like a victim;

• say you are oversensitive;

• or to stop  furious.

While this tactic can be unbearable, your limits are beyond dispute.

4. Learn to skillfully avoid intrusive questions or negative comments.  

    Politically Skilled  specialists avoid difficult questions from journalists by simply answering another question. Instead of responding to the inconvenient  question,  they provide answers to those that they would like them to  were asked, which will promote or put a good light on their political agenda.

    Likewise, if a narcissist asks an intrusive question, you can gracefully change the subject. If a narcissist who has experience criticizing your spending, career choices, or personal relationships starts their familiar interview, don't get cornered.  Instead, say something like, “ These are the kinds of challenges that build character, aren't they? "  You can also go  to a topic the narcissist loves to talk about. About themselves.  Ask them for their opinions on the secret of a good relationship or how  they did  a career in such difficult times / industry ... Transfer the conversation to  them.

    While their responses can be cliche, at least they'll focus on their favorite topic - themselves - instead of you. You can even collect some ideas to use.  

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5. Take the bull by the horns.

    Narcissus  desires  attention and approval to counteract deep, unconscious feelings of emptiness and unworthiness. As a result, he tests endlessly to see what they can get away with.

    One way to solve this problem is to name it  what are they doing. For example, say, " Are you trying to humiliate me or make me feel bad ?" or " I notice when I start talking you interrupt me ."  Say it to the point. It doesn't matter how the narcissist reacts. Be content knowing you have given a name to what is happening and stop there.

6. Don't underestimate the power of narcissism.

    Remember, a narcissist  spent  learning all your life how to devalue and take advantage of others. Narcissism is a powerful psychological phenomenon based on distorted views of oneself, others, and the world.

    Most people are nervous about narcissistic tactics. And if you come from a narcissistic background or have a long-term relationship with a narcissist, you may be conditioned to accept unhealthy behavior.

    If you don't agree  healthy boundaries in a given situation,  you can only feel sorry for yourself. Determine what you want to do differently next time and stick to it.   Setting boundaries is not a one-off event, and a narcissist will be reluctant to do so  he was giving back  control over you  and the situation.

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7. Remember: good boundaries are consistent action.

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    When you set your boundaries, it's worth considering what you are prepared for  if your limits are ignored and exceeded. The consequences are best known in advance. When the boundary is breached, immediately and  decisively, act in accordance with the consistency of your choice every time. Otherwise, you may lose credibility.

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Do you remember the fairy tale about the "little girl with matches"?  if  In  relationship with narcissism you can't take care of  about yourself, your needs and your limits   you will feel like that girl. Your narcissist  it will be the match that gives a wonderfully pleasant warmth, but fades quickly, leaving a feeling of cold, pain and loneliness. If like the girl from the fairy tale  you will let the narcissist bring warmth back into your life, it was again  close, treated you in this gallant one  way like in the beginning ... then remember that sooner or later  it will disappear like a match will go out. And you will be waiting for him again to come back and light up again  fire... 

If you are not in  able to get away from the narcissist, at least take care of yourself, because the narcissist will definitely take care of you  will not.

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