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How our self-esteem and how we comment on ourselves affects our children.
July 20, 2020
Listen to the article and I'll read it for you.
Self-esteem is a creature that can destroy our lives or help us reach peaks. One of the elements of self-esteem is the perception of one's own physical attractiveness.
What is the easiest way to predict whether a little girl will have a negative body image in the future? Listen to her mom!
Self-esteem , also known as self-esteem, is a generalized assessment or attitude of a person towards himself. Self-esteem can be general or partial. The fractional part relates to individual elements of a person, such as intelligence, physical attractiveness, personality traits or specific skills.
Self-esteem changes throughout our lives. It is high in childhood, decreases in adolescence, then increases in adulthood and decreases again in old age. On his building is influenced by many factors, especially our parents.
Norwegian mothers' research adds a nuance to the topic of self-perception, although it does not experiences of fathers. It turns out that if it is about self-esteem, parenting becomes one of the greatest challenges for women.
Women experience a decline in self-esteem during pregnancy. Not surprisingly, given the physical changes taking place in the body, raging hormones, stress related to a child's development and fears for the future. In addition, celebrities in photos on social media return to the perfect figure they had before pregnancy, 24 hours after giving birth. Unfortunately, in the real world it doesn't work it is the vast majority of women - if at all possible.
Six months after the baby is born, self-esteem increases. Most likely it connects it's dealing with new responsibilities and having a baby. Unfortunately, then the self-esteem of mothers begins to decline again.
During the first three years of a child's life, it is lower than before pregnancy. There is no information what is happening after this time, it is therefore difficult to say if the decline lasts longer. It is known, however, that it is not permanent. Women who re-completed the questionnaire for another child returned to their baseline self-esteem before the process began all over again.
Don't give up on yourself!
Which of the personal needs does a woman give up when she gives birth to a child? Yes, I know there are many, but what comes first? A visit to the hairdresser! Did you give up on that too when your child was small? Why do so many of us deny ourselves pretty hair after giving birth? Since a visit to the hairdresser is one of those things that takes a long time to complete, it requires you to leave the house for a few hours and seems insignificant. Does a visit to the hairdresser make you feel better? Don't give up on her. Two or three weeks after giving birth, when your physical condition allows it, visit the hairdressing salon. Your child may stay in the care of another, caring adult.
Taking care of yourself and your needs is a lesson that we parents should teach our children.
The same research revealed that during pregnancy, women rated their relationships with their partners as good. Unfortunately, this sense of satisfaction with partner life dropped dramatically right after the birth of the child. The same effect was also noticeable after the birth of other children. This is important because self-esteem depends on others' acceptance, closeness and belonging.
As in a mother's low self-esteem builds up children's self-esteem?
Children, watching their parents, learn from them, certain patterns and patterns. Also, self-perception, self-esteem and self-acceptance. Many parents have negative self-images that they unknowingly bestow on their children. If we don't like ourselves, our features or our appearance, what are we going to teach our own children who are like us? Often inheriting from us what irritates us so much our appearance or character.
For about the first two years, the child is dependent on the parents, but after that time, the toddler gradually tries to become independent from mom and dad. She begins to slowly identify with the stereotypical division of roles. For a boy, a man's first role model is his dad. It is he who is the matrix "how to be a man, father, partner". For a girl, mother is the prototype of a woman. However, it is the mother in her son's adolescence that is one of the first examples of femininity for him.
Laura Choate, professor at the University of Louisiana (author of Swimming Upstream: Parenting Girls for Resilience in a Toxic Culture), states: we engage in dietary behavior or other unhealthy activities nutritionists, our daughters observe it, then take on the message and start to feel bad about their own body. "
What is the easiest way to predict whether a little girl will have a negative body image in the future? Listen to her mom! If mom is negative about his appearance, a girl with a high probability will have a problem with accepting her appearance.
An ideal that cannot be reached!
Do you know any woman who is completely satisfied with her appearance and body? I do not know. Media, society and mass culture make us feel that women must have the perfect body. What does it mean perfect? Emaciated. Best in issue 32. Interestingly, the body of an average woman has grown in the last 20 years by 2 sizes. Do you know that today's average size of a Polish woman is 40/42, while American women are 16/18 which corresponds to Polish 48/50?
A woman is supposed to have a clear (read large) bust - I wonder where, since she is supposed to be deprived of a gram of fat while wearing a size 32. She is supposed to be sexy - regardless of age, smiling - regardless of the events in her life and always young - without wrinkles, even at the age of 80. Women try to follow this "pattern", often forgetting that it is not the physiognomy that is the most important. They lose, in this pursuit of perfection, joy and themselves. At the same time, unconsciously teaching his daughters to focus too much on appearance.
How do they see you ...
In one study, a group of students was shown photos of a fifth-grade girl in clothes: appropriate for her age, a bit sexy and very sexy.
A girl in clothes appropriate to her age of judgment was above average in terms of intellect or skill. However, in the photos in wearing very sexy clothes was perceived as the least intelligent, the least competent, the least determined and the least capable. This girl was also judged to have relatively low self-respect and morals. Somehow the students equated the choice of clothes with her character! This shows that even girls as young as 12 can be perceived as less competent when they dress sexy. If others treat them that way, girls may begin to perceive themselves as inferior and behave themselves in line with the social etiquette attached to them. But what do the girls themselves really think when they see others dressed in a sexy way?
He's offering a little experiment that you can do with a 6-year-old. show her those drawings and ask:
Which girl look do you like more?
Which one would you like to be like?
Which one are you like now?
Which one was to make it more popular?
Which one would you like to be with entertain?
And be sure to ask why he thinks so.
Experts asked 6-year-old girls about it and the vast majority of them already know that the preferred appearance of a woman is "skinny and sexy" and chose the one in a skimpy outfit. They wanted to look like her and believed that she was more liked and popular.
Think about all these princesses in fairy tales for girls. They are always pretty, slim and sexy. By contrast, bad and disliked witches are ugly, round or wrinkled. What does this teach a little girl? And if a mother joins this with negative comments about her appearance, character traits and competences, she gives us a ready one prescription for low self-esteem Girls.
I did this little experiment on 8 year old boys. They were unanimous that it was it's the same girl, and the cooler and more popular is the one with the better character. It is with her that they would prefer entertain. Maybe it is not that age (8), or maybe just boys, no one from an early age teaches that the most important thing is a slim and sexy figure. He shows up to the boys strong and wise superheroes, their appearance is less important. Fathers don't lose weight before every vacation and do not express their body dissatisfaction. I am not saying that among boys or men there is no problem with negative body perception - there is. Seems however, that their perception of their own physicality is not dependent on the feeling of satisfaction with the appearance of their mothers - probably due to their identification with a man - dad. There is, however, too little research on the subject to conclude it is definitely.
Difficult maturation time.
At around age 13, when a girl starts menstruating, she changes the shape of her body. Rounds out around the hips, waist and buttocks, what u the vast majority of it causes stress, dissatisfaction and attempts to lose unwanted shapes. If, in addition, all her life she watched her mother complaining about her appearance, constantly following miracle diets - for example getting ready for summer and the "bikini period". He gets a clear message that a woman needs to lose weight, and it can be on the beach show just a special body, prepared a few months earlier with drastic diets and backbreaking exercises. This can lead to depression and eating disorders.
This does not mean that if you have extra pounds you want to get to get rid of them, then for the sake of the child you must not do anything with them, nothing like that. Just remember that you are a role model for your daughter and her self-esteem depends on what you show her. Do not teach your daughter to pay too much attention to the physical and fight for a perfect appearance, because she will never be comfortable with her own body. Even the most beautiful women in the world are not 100% satisfied with their appearance. Discover before instead your child the benefits of a healthy lifestyle. Show that healthy eating and exercise can do pleasure and is a natural part of your daily routine. It is not a torment or coercion, it does not cause a drop in mood (or even rage) from physical exhaustion or draconian hunger strikes taking the joy out of every day.
How can you help your daughter feel good with your body?
Avoid talking too much about your own weight or appearance . It's best to find a way to teach your daughter to accept herself. If you think you look good, say it loud and clear. It's important that your children hear that their parents feel satisfied with themselves as they are. Praise yourself and the children each time you think they have done, said, or looked good.
Don't teach your child to diet or lose weight . If you are planning to follow a weight loss diet or cut down on calories, try to do so without your child realizing it. Talk about calories, good fats and bad fats beyond your children's attention. Don't concentrate Obsessive on diet, because you can inadvertently drive yourself and your child into orthorexia - a disease involving excessive attention to healthy eating.
Show your child that exercise can and should be fun . Try to be active physical that makes you smile and make sure that your children will see you in these joyful moments! You are not getting ready for the competition, who will survive the extreme training more and longer?
Try your best not to bring home to fitness, gossip and women's fashion magazines . In such magazines, a lot of emphasis is placed on a slim and sexy body.
Be open to talking about what your children can watch on TV or the Internet and how it might affect their well-being . Do they make comparisons between themselves and the models or actors they see on the screen? In this the leader is Instagram with perfect photos and fairy-tale life of others. Comparing with others, it is one of the reasons for worse well-being and lower self-esteem. Fortunately, they appear more and more often myself Instagram models that show how the perfect Instagram photo looks compared to reality. Revealing the secrets of "ideal" that is, the right light, directed attitude, filters and programs that allow for the modification of reality to the ideal.
Make children aware and remind them that there is much more to being a cool and popular person than just body and appearance . Tell them it's important how to become they feel. Concentrate on the many inner qualities that make them lovable, wise, and interesting. You can introduce them figures of women from the world of science, business and politics. Show the differences between them and celebrities. Speak out loud about your qualities that you like or the ones that make you into something good and smug.
Self-esteem depends on acceptance of others, closeness and belonging . Praise your children often, hug them and repeat how important they are to you. Take care too for your relationship with your partner and time only for you, because your relationship is also a model for the child. Your self-esteem often depends on your partner's acceptance, your closeness and belonging. Having a baby is a huge shift in responsibilities in the household. It's also a high level of exhaustion that certainly challenges any relationship. In family psychology, it is one of the first stages of the functioning of a new family and one of the first crises that occurs in the life of a young couple.
Remember Mom, it all starts from you. Just like on an airplane when a flight attendant advises you to have a mask oxygen is first put on by the parent and then applied to the child. If you want a happy child with good self-esteem, be an example. Talk about yourself well and with satisfaction. Make time for yourself. Mom is a grueling 24/7 activity, you need a rest. Please for help. Let your partner, mom, mother-in-law take care of it baby, and you go to the hairdresser, for a walk, read a book in the park on a bench, meet your friends.
Don't forget to be close to your partner. Have dinner without a child nearby, go to the cinema, meet up with friends… A good relationship with your loved one will make you feel again an attractive woman, not just an exhausted mom.
Take care of yourself and your self-esteem, and it will pay off for your children!
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