Gaslighting - emotional abuse

Gaslighting  (read: gaslaiting) is an insidious form of manipulation and psychological control. Victims of gaslighting are intentionally and systematically fed with false information that leads them to question the truth often about themselves. Ultimately, they may even doubt their memory, perception, and even common sense. Over time, the manipulations of the torturer (gaslighter)  can become more complex and effective, making it harder for the victim to see the truth.

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The term gaslighting comes from the 1938 play Gas Light and its film adaptation .

Gaslighting can occur in personal or professional relationships. Manipulation is directed at the victim's sense of identity and self-worth. Manipulating people who engage in gaslighting do this to gain power over their victims because they simply get perverted pleasure from it or want to emotionally, physically, or financially control their victim.

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The beginning of gaslighting or how does it start? 

The relationship with the gaslighter seems to start quite well. Already on the first date, the future torturer, handsome man or charming woman can praise the victim and even confide in her immediately. Such private surfacing before any intimacy is established builds trust quickly, and building trust is part of the tactic known as love bombing. The sooner the victim falls in love, the sooner the next phase of manipulation can begin.

Gaslighting can be more effective than many people imagine. Almost anyone can be susceptible to the tactics of this manipulation that has been used throughout history and continues to be used by domestic oppressors, dictators, narcissists , and cult leaders. The most effective torturers are often very difficult to recognize. Then what you can  to know them is the mental state of their victims.

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Gaslighter tactic .

Gaslighter will initially lie about simple things, but the amount of misinformation is growing rapidly, and if a victim questions the narrative the gaslighter may accuse the victim of lying. The abuser usually uses positive reinforcement from time to time to confuse the victim, but at the same time may try to turn other people against him / her, even her / his friends and family, by telling them that the victim is lying or delusional .  

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How do you know if you are trapped by the gaslighter?

The victim experiences increased self-doubt as the gaslighter insists that what he remembers, thinks and feels is not true. The oprawca (gaslighter) manipulates the emotions and perception of reality of his victim.  Disrupts, distorts and destroys the fundamental aspects of the victim's existence (self-esteem, memory of various situations)  forcing you to rely on the gaslighter's version of reality.  

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Who becomes a gaslighting torturer?

Those who employ this tactic often have personality disorders, narcissists or psychopaths. Manipulators tend to show one face to their victim and the other to the rest of the world, which makes it  victims are afraid to ask for help, believing that no one will believe them in manipulation and emotional abuse.

Gaslighters usually repeat tactics in several relationships.

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What is the difference between manipulation and gaslighting?

Manipulation is a key part of gaslighting, but manipulation is a fairly common tactic and almost anyone can apply it, while gaslighting is less frequent. Children try to manipulate their parents at an early age, and marketers and ad producers try to manipulate consumers, but gaslighting involves a pattern of offensive behavior aimed not only at influencing someone but also controlling them.

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What's the difference between gaslighting and narcissism?

Gaslighting may be part of a narcissistic personality disorder, but is not an essential feature of a narcissistic personality disorder. Narcissists can promote themselves and feel superior to others, while the gaslighter aims to force another person to question their self-worth.

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How to get away from the gaslighter?

The main purpose of the gaslighter is to keep the victim trapped. If the victim disagrees or questions his abuser, the abuser may try to pretend that he is the victim of his victim. He may also try to lure his partner through positive reinforcement. Many people eventually find a way to escape the gaslighter's influence, leaving the oppressor to search for a new target - which they often already have an eye on. And the whole scenario repeats itself in the next relationship.

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What is this  hoovering?

When translating from English to Polish, hoovering to  "vacuuming". And Hoover (vacuum cleaner) is a brand of vacuum cleaners. 

When someone tries to leave the gaslighter behind, they may employ a "dusting" tactic. Telling the victim how much they love her and praising all her positive qualities. It can also explain how things and will change between them  everything will be fine. Unfortunately ... shortly after the victim agrees to stay, everything goes back to where it was.

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How does gaslighting change the victim?

Gaslighting can be psychologically devastating. It undermines trust, undermines the notion that people are generally good, and can raise suspicion of anyone close to them. Becomes  The victim of the gaslighter also undermines people's self-confidence and makes them forget what they once valued. After all, it's easy to blame yourself for being too trusting, vulnerable, or dependent. This experience may result in the victim never wanting to be part of the relationship again.

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