Gaslighting - how to deal?

August 1, 2021

Gaslighting (read: gaslaiting) is an insidious form of manipulation and psychological control. Victims of gaslighting are intentionally and systematically fed with false information that leads them to question reality and truth — often — about themselves.

Gaslighter (the word translated into Polish means "lighter") is a torturer (both male and female) who often employs various tactics to manipulate and control his victim.

What to do when you notice gaslighting.

Gaslighting can upset you, making you feel confused, surreal or furious. If you decide to talk to the gaslighter about it, he will not admit to any of his strategies .

Below are some strategies to deal with gaslighting that may help.

Minimize contact. Do not chat with them in the hallways or go for a coffee as they will have hidden intentions.

Don't believe what they say or give them too much room in your heart and thoughts.

If you get your revenge or get angry, the gaslighter will try to put you in a bad light or start act like a victim to gain sympathy. So you'd better give him ambiguous answers like "really?" or "I'm confused."

Say you're confused, then ask him to explain the contradiction: “You say it didn't, but I have this picture. I do not understand. Can you explain what you meant. " Be prepared that the gaslighter will attack or employ some other tactic to distract from its manipulations and lies.

Talk to friends or colleagues who will endorse your point of view, support you, and help you develop a strategy.

Remind yourself of your good qualities and successes to counteract the negative narrative.

Write or keep a diary of what happened.

Changing jobs or leaving a relationship to get away from a gaslighter is often the best reaction.